Selfish, Ignorant, husband needs advice - Talk About Marriage

General Relationship Discussion Although anyone can post anywhere on Talk About Marriage, this section is for people interested in general relationship and marriage advice.

05-18-2012, 09:00 PM	? #2 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Somewhere in the south pacific Posts: 425	Good on you...you've learnt alot about yourself recently and change is so difficult. Stick with AA... for yourself first. I would ask her to meet up with you to discuss what happening...you do deserve to know that. If she is at all keen to work on the marriage ask her what you can do to show here your moving in the right direction. Do whatever she asks. Tell how much you love and miss her. I wouldn't pester her but don't let her get used to life without you either. But if she tell you to p!ss off...you have to respect that too. Best of luck with you sobriety and your relationship.
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Yesterday, 02:42 AM	? #3 (permalink)
Registered User ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 18	That is really awesome!! I love AA. Best thing I ever did. Just remember that she WILL want and respect you more the more you are cool and calm and show her progress instead of just begging for her back, like you probably have a few times before. I know, I am the beggar sometimes, and I just think, what if I was being begged like this. It is trying to get them to make a decision that is not in their best interest, but in yours because you really, really want it. So you have to show her that you really, really want to be married to her and love her and that is just by being the best possible man you can be, which it sounds like yu are on your way to becoming. Now, I said AA was the best thing I ever did, but it was also the hardest. Stick with it though and the pay off is beyond wonderful
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Yesterday, 09:32 PM	? #6 (permalink)
Member ? Join Date: Apr 2012 Posts: 918	I hope you know that there are porn addiction counselors and porn addiction support groups out there. You may be surprised after being off porn for a while that your sexuality is enhanced. Porn and masturbation can lead to ED even in very very young men. Viagra doesn't work for them because the problem isn't physiological. This is verbotten to say to a man but half of porn addiction is a too-heavy reliance on masturbation. You need an expert's guidance to handle that tricky issue. Right now, don't worry so much about whether or not your wife is saying "I love you." Work on yourself, you have only just started. Having quit alcohol just 3 days ago, she isn't going to suddenly come rushing back. She figured out somewhere along the way that she was enabling your behaviors and it is going to take a very long time to rebuild her trust in you. Concentrating on her, an independent person who you cannot control, is just a way to not face your very real problems. Focus with a laser beam on the parts of your life that are in your control. If you need to say something, maybe write her a letter (as I see has already been suggested). Speak from the heart. Tell her you are changing for yourself whether she sticks around, or not. But that she is the love of your life and that if she can find it in her heart to forgive you, someday, eventually, many months down the road or more, you hope to have turned into the husband she deserves. Explain that you wish to remain in contact and that if you are ever silent it's not due to lack of love but because you are working so hard on your issues. And then leave it at that for now.
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